Indecisiveness Deciding for Me

A Swedish girl that I sing with gave me a ride to the choir the other day, and during the drive, we talked about what we had done before ending up in DC. Since my story involves clear goals and a lot of moving around, she asked me what I wanted to do next. I didn’t have an answer.

I then chatted with a friend of mine who has been posted in South Sudan for quite some time. He asked me how things were going in DC, and I had to admit that things here were exactly the same as when he left little over a year ago. NOTHING has changed! While I’ve been painfully aware of this for quite some time, my life felt all of a sudden immensely dull.

The problem is that even though I haven’t settled as well in Washington as I did in the other places where I’ve lived, I am also not sure where I would go. For the first time in my life, I don’t have clear plan for the next couple of years. Or rather, the plan that I thought I had proved to be completely beyond my control. Still, I want to give certain things here another chance before giving up on normal and stable. I also really enjoy my job and am very happy about my studies that are progressing exactly in the direction that I want. At the same time, I know that life can be so much more interesting and inspiring. Is this what happens when we get older? We let comfort take over? Did I grow out of my adventurousness? Or do I just feel more at home here than I think? Right now, it seems like my indecisiveness about what to do next means that I am staying here a while longer.

At the Sculpture Garden Café, one of my favorite spots in DC!

1 Thought.

  1. I feel this way too sometimes. But I know there are more adventures in the future. This is exactly why creative adults take on hobbies like painting, singing, and dancing. We can take our hobbies with us if we move around, but these talents bring us to meet other creative and adventurous people. Then we have an interesting creative life, even if family life or work life has become “stable” or normal.

    I haven’t had a big trip for 5 years. This year I go to teach in Velikiy Novgorod for two weeks in the summer.

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